To answer to yourself the question whether you will manage in your life to gain what you want, or you will continue complaining for not having it, depends on another question: Are you going to move drastically towards the results you want or will you remain to be a prisoner of the limiting belief that is not allowing you to succeed?
As a coach, one of the basic fields of work is to support people to achieve their goals, in every aspect of their lives. From this stand point, I have understood the primary mechanism that determines if someone will enter the path of action or of surrender.
That mechanism is no other than the beliefs we hold. When we believe that our actions will lead to success, then we proceed without hesitation and with great enthusiasm.
But when inside of us we have even the slightest suspicion that our action can lead to failure, then the possibility lies that we will remain stuck in inertia or procrastination.
The beliefs that are hold in our core, and refer to ourselves or to others, can be invisible to the eye, but color our perception about everything that happens in our surroundings. For instance, if one of your basic beliefs is that you are “not suitable” or that you “do not have enough resources” that belief will filter out the infinite number of experiences that could potentially get deployed at any given moment, and make your perceive only those that certify what you already believe as true. Instead of identifying elements that confirm there is abundance around you – abundance in love, in laughter, creativity, or energy, your beliefs will magnetize the events that verify the scarcity that you feel. Moreover, what creates the biggest trap in relation to beliefs is that most of the times, they operate on auto pilot, without our conscious participation.
Limiting beliefs about ourselves like “I am not worth loving” or “nobody understands me” have almost always their root in experiences of a much younger age, when we lack maturity to understand. If we allow these beliefs to remain unchanged, without review from our more mature and wise adult self, conclusions that might have been accepted by our mind years ago, will remain feeding our perceptions even today. And in such a way the …. 5 years old that interpreted the lack of attention from the father as a lack of his own value, will prevail in his life.
Imagine that your beliefs are like the, moss, growing on the side of a stone. They get stronger in the darkness, in the privacy of our own unspoken thoughts. The moment that we decide to expose those negative thoughts to the light, so as to be able to free ourselves from them, they lose their power upon our emotions, and consequently, upon our actions and set us free to undertake more inspired action. Every time that you experience a part of your life in a way that does not make you feel fulfilled, or when you bring a different result than the one that you aimed for, then you can be sure that the unwanted situation is an external reflection of your inner beliefs.
How do I know? Just because, if you observe around you, you will see that in the universe everything is created in abundance: the stars in the sky, the leaves in the trees, the water, the air, the light. In the same way, there is no limit in love, in progress, in joy, in happiness, in laughter… We set the limits. The only parameter that defines how much or how little you will be experiencing of all of the above is whether you allow yourself to receive them.
Negative emotions are like a dam in the river. To increase the current you do not need to add more water. Only to take the log out. In such a pivotal moment, a coach can prove to be exceptionally useful to support you achieve your goals. To talk to a coach is fundamentally different than to speak with a friend. Friends are familiar. They have listened to your stories and usually accept or share your beliefs. Friends empathize, whilst the Coach is always challenging your thoughts and doubting your theories. The coach set us accountable for the experiences that we have committed to create, supporting us to decompose the internal beliefs that impede us to live what we desire.
Although I strongly believe in the value of coaching, I also believe that with practice and self-awareness we can “coach” ourselves. I present you here with an easy process to identify and change your limiting beliefs.
- The next time that you feel any negative emotion (frustration, sadness, disappointment etc.) in relation to something that you want to create, close your eyes and coordinate an internal dialogue with yourself. That will lead you to identify the belief that is in direct contrast with the goal that you are trying to achieve. Whenyourealizewhichit is, makeanote.
- Read your belief out loud to yourself and feel the energy that it gives you. What emotions arise whilst you are thinking of it? For instance, I recently caught myself thinking that “life is harsh”. Whilst I was repeating these thought to myself I realized that I was feeling very heavy in my body.
- Now, as you have identified the though and the emotions that are linked with the limiting belief, consciously search in your mind and in your heart for a thought that is improved, even if just a bit. Usually the easiest way to do that is to remember a period of your life where you were experiencing what you want. In my particular case, the belief “my life is harsh” was shattered by the memory of a period of my life where everything was going my way (for instance, when I entered University). This thought supported me to feel better immediately.
- When you find yourself in a place of higher, more positive emotions, check again your old belief from this perspective, and allow yourself to change it in any way it decides to. In such a way, regarding my own example, the belief that “life is harsh” was transformed into “life is a gift”. When you have your new belief, that gives you a new empowered stand point, ask yourself what new action can you take that will verify that you have adopted a new and evolved belief.
We create from our belief, whether we believe it or not.
When we change a belief we change more than our internal mental condition. We create a change in our awareness and in the reality that at any given time we are in the position of creating.
